Many who know me best, see me as being very confident and happy. I certainly do not intend to make people feel as though I think of myself as “better” then them. I do, however, have what is, perhaps, more than my “fair share” of confidence. I can assure you, though, that it is not confidence in myself. At least, not in myself alone. Please read on and allow me to tell you a little bit about myself and hopefully, God can use my story to bring a blessing into your life or that of someone you know.
I want to start this story out with a little bit of what is happening in my life as I write this story down. I will be very sparse on the details, as that is not really important. I was reminded again today of just how much I have failed as a man, husband and father. I try very hard to be a perfect husband for my wife. And in spite of that, there are some areas that she fails to see my “perfect intentions” as “perfectly implemented”. In other words, I try to do my best, but often, I fail to be everything she needs. I do the same for my kids. As much as I would like to be a perfect father for them, I often find that I fall WAY short of having the kind of relationship with them that I would prefer. I mean, what father wouldn’t want his son to be willing to bare his soul to him and tell him everything (good or bad) that he is going through? And still, my sons find it difficult to do that very thing. I strive live a holy and sinless life, but I struggle every day with things that, as I look back on my day, make me realize that I failed in that area as well.
Today, I am in pain. My heart is broken and the blame is squarely on my shoulders. Understand that I am referring only to the part where my own failures and shortcomings are concerned. In the situation in which I find myself, I am not the only person involved and the others bear some responsibility as well. I cannot, however, point fingers. I am responsible for my own failures.
Now, I don’t want this article to be a “pity party”. As I said in the beginning, most people who know me at all see me as being very confident and I think they see me as being pretty happy. I do, however, want to frame a little bit of where I am today, as I give you a little insight into WHY I am confident and WHY I can be joyful, even in the midst of this struggle. Just before Jesus was to be taken off to be executed in the most horrible manner possible, he said the following to his Disciples (John 14:27):
“I am leaving you with a gift–peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.”
As I am just now sitting down to unwind from the stress of this day, this is what God brought to my mind. In many ways, I want to shout out that I am NOT feeling peaceful and I am certainly feeling fear. But God speaks peace. Not just peace, but peace of mind AND heart. God is telling me that I should put my mind at ease, because HE is in control. I need to release the stress to Him (that’s the peace of heart part). He wants it and if I am able to give it to Him, then I will rest better AND be more able to concentrate on the other things I have to face tomorrow and the next day and beyond.
Another verse that God is bringing to my mind is one that I quote often in my mind. It is found in Philippians 4:6-7 and reads as follows:
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
You see, I am in pain. I am struggling with my own shortcomings. I cannot see how to resolve and fix the issues that I am currently facing. However, I am able to have a peace in my heart and mind because I am willing to ask God to take the pain and stress away and in it’s place, leave only peace. Even as a recipient of this peace, I cannot really understand exactly how He does it. I just know I am glad that He does.
Now, I want to be perfectly clear. This peace of God does not absolve me of my responsibilities. It isn’t a license to do as I wish and God will just make me feel ok about it. That isn’t it at all. This peace is available to me because I am trying to live daily in the presence of God almighty. As much as I am able to do that, He is able to bring about His peace in my life.
I know that many people who may read these words may be struggling as well. Maybe it is a loss of some kind. Perhaps you have lost a loved one to death. Maybe you have seen a relationship dissolve and you are in pain. Maybe you are experiencing financial stresses or you have a health issue. Maybe you are a young person and you are struggling at school being bullied or made fun of. I don’t know exactly what the form your struggle may take, but I KNOW that if you will simply get before God and ask him to take away the struggle and stress, He can replace those things with a peace that you will not be able to explain. Will the pain/struggle still be there? Yes it will. However, those mountains will not seem so high. I can tell you from experience.
I spoke to my son earlier today as well. He quoted a verse that God had brought to my mind as well. It may be familiar to you already. It is found in Romans 8:28 and reads:
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
You see, these circumstances in our lives, whether they are our doing or not, can be used by God to bring about His purpose in our lives. That doesn’t mean that we will LIKE the rough times any better. It just means that in spite of how gloomy our right now is, as we look backward through time at this moment, we will be able to see that God was able to use that situation to bring about something in our lives that we needed in order to fulfill His purpose for us.
One final verse that I am reminded of for the better part of the evening is found in Matthew 11:29 and reads:
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
We can only wear one yoke at a time. We can wear the struggles/stress/pain of our own yoke or we can allow Jesus to put His yoke on us. This is what I meant when I mentioned that we MUST be doing our best to live in His presence. We must be trying to be obedient to His will for our lives. If we can just do that, we will find that the load he asks us to bear is much smaller and easier to bear. This is hard to do at times. It is hard to “let go” of our struggles. And, yet, we must do exactly that.
I really hope that this short article is helpful to someone. It was certainly therapeutic for me to think through what I needed to do in order to get back to where I need to be. I am imperfect and in spite of that, Jesus loves me with a perfect love. I am truly amazed at that fact every time I think about it. Why am I able to be happy and confident? It certainly isn’t because I am “all that”. My Jesus is most certainly “all that”, though. I am happy and confident in Him and Him alone.