Have you ever heard these words? Why is it that we sometimes feel the need to “comfort” each other with a sentiment like, “It could be worse!” I don’t know about you, but I find very little comfort in knowing that my perceived disaster could have been even more disastrous. Maybe I’m not alone in that thought. Read on to see a bit about my VERY long and trying day today AND how God used this day to teach me a very important lesson. Read through to the end if you want to hear the “lesson”. There’s a lot of detail that may not be horribly interesting, but I’m in the mood to tell the whole story.
When I went to bed last night (on Saturday), I had a perfect plan in place for how my Sunday would proceed. I’d wake up at around 9am, get ready and go to church with my sons, Timothy and Peter and Peter’s girlfriend Brittany. We would be done at church around 11:30am, go to lunch, then I’d head home after a successful short (and last minute) visit and get here around 5 or 6pm with time to watch the Cardinals take game 2 of the NLCS, then drift happily to sleep thinking about how good God is to me.
HOWEVER, that plan fell apart before it even got a good head start. The house was VERY warm last night and I simply could not make it to sleep until nearly 4am. I overslept and we missed the 10:30am service, so opted to go to the 11:30 am service. (No big deal, right…It’s only an hour late and still plenty of time for everything else.) If only I had known the trouble I’d see this day, perhaps I would have stayed in bed.
Well, we all piled into the car and headed toward Portland (where the church was) at around 11am. It’s about a 20 minute drive, so we had time to spare. As I got onto the highway from Gallatin (where Peter lives), I noticed a HUGE puff of white “smoke” emanating from the back end of my car. OH MY! This is NOT a good sign. Nearly immediately, I smelled the antifreeze turning into steam inside the car. Another “not good sign”. My mind was running overtime thinking about how I could salvage my day that was so quickly deteriorating into a “bad day”.
We made it to about 2 miles BEFORE the church before the car was reaching the critical overheating stage. I pulled over into the nearest place I could find and parked. We called Brittany to come get us (only about 2 miles away and we were ALREADY late for service). She got there as quickly as she could, picked us up and we went on to church. I REALLY needed to be in the presence of God this morning, as it had very quickly turned into a really bad morning. My mind was on my car and how I was going to get home and I was feeling bad because when we arrived, the music service was over already and the pastor was beginning his sermon. Great! Can it get any worse?
Then God spoke. Through the Pastor, Brandon Petty, God told me that although I had made some mistakes, I was at least on the right track with repairing some of those mistakes with my son, Timothy. And, as he usually does, God reminded me that there were still areas that need work. Ok, so this was good. God is still speaking to me (at least in church). I was thinking, maybe he will intervene and my car problem would be a quick and cheap fix and I’d be on my way with a fully recovered day pulled back from the abyss. But, the answer to my question, “Can it get any worse?” was about to be answered.
After we ate lunch (which was AWESOME), we headed over to the car. I managed to get some water in the engine, which was IMMEDIATELY pouring out of the top of the engine. NOT a good sign of a quick/easy/cheap fix. Brittany’s Dad got there to assist, as I was without ANY tools to even fix the simplest of issues (which this did NOT appear to be anyway). He diagnosed the issue to be some coolant bypass something or another (I’m not a car repair guy). He wasn’t really familiar with this new of a model car and wasn’t really comfortable working on it and most of his tools were too far away to be useful to us anyway. HOWEVER, I was able to make it about 3 miles down the road to the nearest O’Reilly store.
Upon arrival, I told the guy at the counter I needed some sort of coolant bypass thingy, which he could find no reference to in his computer (go figure, right?). He and I went out to the car so I could point to the thingy, which he IMMEDIATELY recognized. YAY! Back inside, the part total was $13.10. WOW…well, the “cheap” part was going well. But there is ALWAYS more to the story…..
Now, Timothy usually get along ok together. He, being a teenager, is often not 100% supportive and “honoring” of his parents. I was already in a horrid mood (when did THAT happen?) and was not really willing to take much. He said something, I said something like, “It’s best to just stop now. Not another disrespectful word or else…” Well, then came another word…I sent him away (to the car) to await the completion of the repairs by himself and out of my immediate vicinity.
Part now in hand, I looked at it and looked at the car thinking, how do I get this thing installed? I don’t have the tools OR the knowledge. It LOOKED simple enough, however. We found a video that showed us how to do this install. It did NOT look so simple. LOTS of stuff had to be removed to put one little tube on. SIGH. Peter contacted his friend, Russell, to come help us out. He was about an hour and a half away from being there. DELAY DELAY DELAY. OK, so my day was not going as planned.
WAIT! Why don’t we go get our clothes and such, which I had left at Peter’s house while we wait for Russell. I go to roll the windows up on the car and Timothy’s window would not roll up. Now, here is where the speculation comes in. I am fairly certain that in his anger he must have slammed the car door and knocked the window off it’s track. Maybe true and maybe not (he denies that, but I “know”…). I was at my wit’s end. I totally lost my temper at this point. I know it was wrong to do it, but at that point, I didn’t care. I didn’t care that I was yelling at him and saying hurtful things toward him. After all, why should I be the only one having such a bad day? I can be really stupid sometimes.
Well, let’s skip a FEW details and 2 or 3 more things that got my mood going in the wrong direction. We arrived back at the car and I went into the store to purchase a cheap set of screwdrivers to take apart the door to fix the window. ( I ended up BACK in the store to buy one more tool that I needed to finish this job). Russell arrived and we proceeded to take the car apart. Parts were installed and after MUCH head scratching and LOTS of frustrations, we got it back together. Water back in the car and test drive showed success! All told, I had spent over $100 on various items in that O’Reilly store to get me back on the road. The only problem now? It was already 6:45pm (long AFTER I was supposed to be home already). It could be worse, right? It could have been a MAJOR engine repair. Let’s not even think about that.
I got on the road and after a few wrong turns that turned a 4.5 hour drive into a 5.5 hour drive, I am finally home. NOW, for the lessons that God taught me (about time, right?)
As I was driving (Timothy sleeps in the car), I was thinking about the story of Job in the old testament. God brought some things about this story and how it paralleled my day. In Job 1:8, God makes a proclamation that is hard to believe. It reads, “Then the Lord asked Satan, “Have you noticed my servant Job? He is the finest man in all the earth. He is blameless—a man of complete integrity. He fears God and stays away from evil.”” As I thought about this verse, I began wondering, did God point me out to Satan or did Satan find me all on his own. I suspect that God does not look at me and think of me as “blameless- a man of complete integrity.”, so I suspect that I am just a target of Satan because of his own “research”. In the story of Job, the man Job loses EVERYTHING that is important to him. He lost his children, wife, belongings and friends. He went from being a man who was “blessed by God” to a man having nothing at all. Hmm..Well, my day is looking up. I haven’t lost everything, but I sure feel like I am close to it.
God also brought to my attention the fact that everyone around Job was telling him that he needed to repent of the sins in his life that were “causing all this turmoil”. Job was having none of it. He knew, whether his wife and friends knew it or not, that this was not a result of “hidden sins”. In my own life (or specifically in this day’s trials), I believed that I had not done anything to “deserve” this. Well, perhaps I had reacted wrongly on several occasions and lost my focus on God. Ok, God, I am understanding now. This series of tests was intended to strengthen my faith…and I FAILED. I pray, one more time, that He forgives me (and he DOES). Thank you, Father , for loving me in spite of myself.
SO, Job started out as a much “better” man than I. God forgives me and is continuing to grow me to the point where he can say of me, “he is blameless and of complete integrity”. He is doing so by either introducing direct trials, or permitting them from Satan (no matter how you look at it or which way you say it, the “test” is the same). I guess the more I fail these tests, the more I learn…I just wish I could learn the lesson quicker.
I guess my pride just get’s in the way. I mean, I already know how to put God first in my life, right? WRONG! This was another lesson God brought to my mind. You see, the end of Job’s story came to mind also. I’ll quote verses 1-6 of Job 42 here:
1 Then Job replied to the Lord:
2 “I know that you can do anything,
and no one can stop you.
3 You asked, ‘Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorance?’
It is I—and I was talking about things I knew nothing about,
things far too wonderful for me.
4 You said, ‘Listen and I will speak!
I have some questions for you,
and you must answer them.’
5 I had only heard about you before,
but now I have seen you with my own eyes.
6 I take back everything I said,
and I sit in dust and ashes to show my repentance.”
Verse 3 is the same question God posed to me while I was driving. He made me think about exactly how I was thinking of his place in my life. I mean, I have been through some struggles and I know, without question, that God is the one who brought me through, or is STILL bringing me through. Move my own pride out of the way and allow God to be God in my life. That is a tough lesson to learn. There are some things that I simply am not qualified to do. I have to simply trust that HE is able to handle the execution of his plan for my life without my input and consistent flubbing of trying to direct him and his work. So now my prayer is that I can say, with Job, verse 5: “I had only heard of you before, but now I have seen you with my own eyes.” In other words, If I can stop interfering with your work in my life, I will grow to know God in a MUCH more intimate way than I have EVER known in my life. “Please, Father, help me to reach that part of our relationship. I DO see your hand in my life. I DO understand that it is now your plan that is flawed, but rather it is my own faithfulness (or lack thereof) and interference that causes you to need to continue to “teach me” this same lesson over and over. Help me to be more trusting in you and less prideful and “taking care of things” on my own. Amen”